Sometimes the best thing to do is to let go, step back, turn inward, and refocus.
This is where I am at in my life. I’ve (happily) spent the last 7 years teaching yoga, nurturing others, and focusing on my business.
I am now at a place where I need to focus on nurturing myself, my family, and my home.
To do this I need to totally withdraw from teaching.
For how long? I don’t really know. I do know that there needs to be no time limit or expectations around this: I just need to let it all go so that I can take care of myself.
Many of my students have become my friends over the years. You know who you are. I do love you, care about you, and wish you all the joy in the world.
All of the classes I was teaching are continuing. I have done my best to ensure you are in very capable hands by asking Deandra to take over my teaching. Enjoy her fresh energy, and please encourage her as you have done for me. Click here and “Like” Deandra’s Yoga Facebook Page so you can benefit from some of the goodness she is sharing!
Thank you so much for being a part of my teaching, and my life.
Here are some things I’ve learned along the way…
1) Many gifts come from tragedy.
Though having a miscarriage was painful and unlooked for, some of the things I have gained from this experience include:
Trusting myself and feeling that my body is somehow more prepared for giving birth, knowing how loved and supported I am, giving myself permission to truly learn how to rest and put my health and my needs first, and learning how to ask for help.
I know that most people, when faced with stark challenge, come away stronger. This is true for me, and I am grateful.
2) Compost is nourishment.
Something that has been very important to me lately is this:
Everything up until this point in time is in the past. It is the foundation upon which my life is built, and the road I have travelled thus far. However, none of it is who I am or what my life is about RIGHT NOW. All of it is compost, mulch. It feeds me if I allow it to be in the past, knowing that my present and future is limitless in potential, and not held back by where or what or who I have been.
The most beautiful fruits and flowers grow from the rich nutrients of that which is dead and decomposing. Compost – the past – gives life to the beauty of the present.
3) Seeds are germinated in the quiet of the dark.
When you plant a seed, it germinates in the darkness. The soil, water, and love given are what allow the seed to grow. Then it reaches for the light, once it has grown roots in the protective, supportive earth.
It is the same with a child: it develops in the sheltering darkness of the womb.
This time of year is an invitation to turn inwards. It is a chance to shed whatever isn’t serving you, reconsider your priorities and refocus your intention.
My intention right now is to heal on many levels: to learn deeply what it is to self-nurture, and become a mother who knows how to take care of herself as she takes care of her family.
Whatever your dreams are, be especially mindful and full of care with them this winter. Turn inward and let these seeds be planted in the cradling love of the darkness.
Is this Goodbye?
Well, I doubt I’ll stop writing. I will probably make an appearance singing now and then. So you’ll still get the odd email from me, but I will try to stay off the computer more since I have spent way too much time on it of late (I may have to lock it in a safe to keep myself away at first).
Right now I am learning how to rest. This is not one of my strengths, so it’s a process to be sure, but before too long I’ll stop fighting the need to nap and enjoy it.
I am reacquainting myself with being able to practice yoga without thinking about the next class I’ll be teaching or keeping my business alive. I am cooking and baking and singing and playing guitar more often. I am also overseeing a large addition on our house in Pinantan Lake (to accommodate our soon-to-be-growing family), and enjoying the peace of country life.
So, no, this isn’t goodbye. It’s just a shifting – another change in the ever changing kaleidoscope of life.